Eddie Carp's Letter to Rick
Eddie delivered this to Rick soon after his diagnosis, and shared this with Rick's friends at the memorial service...
Rick: July 22, 2005
As your death may come sooner than any of us dreamed in our most horrific nightmares, I am afraid that your final days with us will be a whirlwind. I so hoped that you would have the time to see and experience the breadth and depth of the love all around you, but fear the maddening pace of things will cause you to miss too much of it. Therefore, I thought perhaps I could write you this note to tell you about the love I see you’ve sown on this planet, and the desperation with which so many people want to share their love with you.
I know you see all the friends around you. I know you appreciate that friends have flown in from all parts of the world to be by your side. I can’t seem to walk down the streets anywhere in DC this week, without being stopped by multitudes of close friends and well-wishers inquiring as to your condition. You know so many people, and are so thoroughly liked, people can’t help but reach out to connect with you in one way or another.
I hope you know too, why people like you so much. They see what we all see. Your extreme intelligence, lack of pretension, honest passion for all things – especially political and Cuban -- and your neurotic energy and self deprecating sense of humor. Your sense of humor and self deprecation is your calling card allowing all who meet you to know that you are approachable, and accepting of the funny foibles that make us all human. I hope you see what a truly remarkable gift this is.
Your friendships span the world and encompass every facet of your life. From Miami Kenny, to all your Texas Grad School friends, to your many close friends here in DC in NYC….you have built a collection of intelligent friends of the greatest character, all who reflect back on you and your values. Having met each other under these traumatic circumstances, new friendships will be forged -- peppered with cherished memories of you – that will be a testament to you and your legacy.
I know you love your brother and see how much he loves you. I’m not sure, however, that you see his torment, as he has tried desperately to keep it from you. I watch him as he courageously fights – almost constantly – to battle back the coming torrent of grief and rage that he will surely be experiencing after you’re gone. He fears that his breakdown will trigger a breakdown for you, and so he fights to maintain his equilibrium and remains focused on you and your needs. His undying love for you is demonstrated through this constant battle, and his need to be your strong, protective, big brother.
As you have feared, Pedro also fears for his children’s loss of their adored uncle. I see all of their love for you through Pedro’s desire to have them see you and spend some final moments with you. I can hear Sandy’s voice as she talks to Pedro on the phone. Even without hearing her exact words, her frustration and grief are clear. Your family was so important to you, and you made them such a priority in your life, you must know that you are equally important to them, and that your loss will be almost unbearable for them. Your niece and nephews will never forget their uncle Rick, and will grow up with thoughts of you. Your love for them will serve as cornerstones of their character as they mature.
And finally there’s Jim. How we all truly fear for Jim’s future without you. He has confided in me more than once that there was not a single moment in all his time with you that he did not thoroughly and completely love. You have confided similar feelings. You both should have no regrets. You both loved each other as fully and completely as two humans ever could, and your love lives on through anyone who had the pleasure of witnessing it.
I know too that a big part of Jim’s love for you and of your love of him, is your love and respect for family. Jim’s family truly regards you as one of their own. Even the tough, Bagpipe-playing, Jerry cries for you as if he were losing his own son. Their torment is doubled as it encompasses not only their true and deep seeded love for you, but additionally their anguish for their son’s loss of his greatest love.
I hope you will take a quiet moment with Jim before you die, to tell him that it is absolutely vital to your peace of mind that he fight for his future happiness when you’re gone. I fear that he plans to demonstrate his love for you through his future misery. You must convince him that this is not what you want. You must tell him that the only appropriate memorial to you will be his future good health and happiness.
I hope too that you realize how lucky you are to have your one true love by your side as you die. Many never find their true love, or are robbed of the comfort of having them near at a time like this. Jim’s sole desire is to hold you and to comfort you and to soothe you. Be sure to drink that in, and to luxuriate in the good fortune you have so truly earned, and that you so richly deserve.
That’s the final thing I want to convince you of. How truly and richly you deserve this outpouring of love and affection. You -- due to your long battle with neurosis and self-deprecation – don’t fully comprehend your giftedness, and the impact you have had on us all. This outpouring is a reflection of the genuine love and kindness you have generated all your life. You leave behind a magnificent legacy; one I want you to be extremely proud of and to clearly understand before you die.
I love and respect you entirely. My memories of you will never die.
Love,
Eddie.
Rick: July 22, 2005
As your death may come sooner than any of us dreamed in our most horrific nightmares, I am afraid that your final days with us will be a whirlwind. I so hoped that you would have the time to see and experience the breadth and depth of the love all around you, but fear the maddening pace of things will cause you to miss too much of it. Therefore, I thought perhaps I could write you this note to tell you about the love I see you’ve sown on this planet, and the desperation with which so many people want to share their love with you.
I know you see all the friends around you. I know you appreciate that friends have flown in from all parts of the world to be by your side. I can’t seem to walk down the streets anywhere in DC this week, without being stopped by multitudes of close friends and well-wishers inquiring as to your condition. You know so many people, and are so thoroughly liked, people can’t help but reach out to connect with you in one way or another.
I hope you know too, why people like you so much. They see what we all see. Your extreme intelligence, lack of pretension, honest passion for all things – especially political and Cuban -- and your neurotic energy and self deprecating sense of humor. Your sense of humor and self deprecation is your calling card allowing all who meet you to know that you are approachable, and accepting of the funny foibles that make us all human. I hope you see what a truly remarkable gift this is.
Your friendships span the world and encompass every facet of your life. From Miami Kenny, to all your Texas Grad School friends, to your many close friends here in DC in NYC….you have built a collection of intelligent friends of the greatest character, all who reflect back on you and your values. Having met each other under these traumatic circumstances, new friendships will be forged -- peppered with cherished memories of you – that will be a testament to you and your legacy.
I know you love your brother and see how much he loves you. I’m not sure, however, that you see his torment, as he has tried desperately to keep it from you. I watch him as he courageously fights – almost constantly – to battle back the coming torrent of grief and rage that he will surely be experiencing after you’re gone. He fears that his breakdown will trigger a breakdown for you, and so he fights to maintain his equilibrium and remains focused on you and your needs. His undying love for you is demonstrated through this constant battle, and his need to be your strong, protective, big brother.
As you have feared, Pedro also fears for his children’s loss of their adored uncle. I see all of their love for you through Pedro’s desire to have them see you and spend some final moments with you. I can hear Sandy’s voice as she talks to Pedro on the phone. Even without hearing her exact words, her frustration and grief are clear. Your family was so important to you, and you made them such a priority in your life, you must know that you are equally important to them, and that your loss will be almost unbearable for them. Your niece and nephews will never forget their uncle Rick, and will grow up with thoughts of you. Your love for them will serve as cornerstones of their character as they mature.
And finally there’s Jim. How we all truly fear for Jim’s future without you. He has confided in me more than once that there was not a single moment in all his time with you that he did not thoroughly and completely love. You have confided similar feelings. You both should have no regrets. You both loved each other as fully and completely as two humans ever could, and your love lives on through anyone who had the pleasure of witnessing it.
I know too that a big part of Jim’s love for you and of your love of him, is your love and respect for family. Jim’s family truly regards you as one of their own. Even the tough, Bagpipe-playing, Jerry cries for you as if he were losing his own son. Their torment is doubled as it encompasses not only their true and deep seeded love for you, but additionally their anguish for their son’s loss of his greatest love.
I hope you will take a quiet moment with Jim before you die, to tell him that it is absolutely vital to your peace of mind that he fight for his future happiness when you’re gone. I fear that he plans to demonstrate his love for you through his future misery. You must convince him that this is not what you want. You must tell him that the only appropriate memorial to you will be his future good health and happiness.
I hope too that you realize how lucky you are to have your one true love by your side as you die. Many never find their true love, or are robbed of the comfort of having them near at a time like this. Jim’s sole desire is to hold you and to comfort you and to soothe you. Be sure to drink that in, and to luxuriate in the good fortune you have so truly earned, and that you so richly deserve.
That’s the final thing I want to convince you of. How truly and richly you deserve this outpouring of love and affection. You -- due to your long battle with neurosis and self-deprecation – don’t fully comprehend your giftedness, and the impact you have had on us all. This outpouring is a reflection of the genuine love and kindness you have generated all your life. You leave behind a magnificent legacy; one I want you to be extremely proud of and to clearly understand before you die.
I love and respect you entirely. My memories of you will never die.
Love,
Eddie.
posted by Concerned Citizen at 7:02 AM
1 Comments:
What beautiful words! I sit here with tears in my eyes, but they are tears of joy. How wonderful it was to have met Ricks friends and know how much he was loved and the impact he made on everyone that got to know him. Rick was a dear frend of mine and I will always have great memories of our times together in high school. Eddie, thank you for being such a great friend to Rick! Love to all. Mandy.
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